These are two things that are present in most relationships. The question is, how balanced are they? It's never good for there to be more of one than the other and definitely not coming from one person more than another. I personally think that you haven't truly bonded with a person until you've had your first fight, and made up. I can't even really call you a good friend until we've fought at least one time.
I am a very non-confrontational person. I absolutely HATE to argue. It just makes me uneasy. Now don't take that to mean that I'm passive - no no no. If there is something I feel strongly enough about, I will argue my point when necessary - but most times I like to find a resolution to the problem without anger and frustration. That's what bothers me. I like to discuss things like two (or however many) rational people - not a bunch of screaming idiots.
My question is, when there is conflict and you want to come to some sort of compromise, but you and the other person are so extremely opposed to each other's solution, how much compromise can be made? Any compromise would leave the other person feeling like they lost out, and that's never a good feeling. It's one thing to do something to make someone else happy because you care about them, but making someone else happy at the expense of your own happiness is something I just can't condone and I never will (unless it's like your kid or something, then there are exceptions). You know what I'm saying though? Like, how much can you give in before you feel like you gave up and lost?
3 comments:
one way to combat this is by not being so opposed to anything. if u are coming from a flexible place to begin with not much will be completely opposing to your perspective. i mean how many things are absolutely THAT serious that you refuse to budge? dealbreakers i guess...
the only thing i refuse to ever budge on is not having anymore children, but thats about it. i mean i don't WANT to live on a farm but if he absolutely has to then i can chase chickens and hoe dirt.
Ok, so say for instance you like to have sex every day - you don't have to, but you'd like to; your SO only wants it ONCE a week - maybe twice, but no more than that. Are you really gonna be happy with twice a week when you know you like it all the time? Compromise would be three times maybe, but that will leave you unfulfilled and he will be burnt out cuz it's more than he could handle. What would you do?
well, thats the thing. you are automatically coming from a place of "i HAVE to fuck 7 times a week" so you set yourself up for disappointment. re-evaluate your own sexual needs and figure out a way to be ok with 3 times or less. because it's going to keep being an issue if you are stuck on wanting more than what he gives. is it a dealbreaker? ask yourself that. and if it is then maybe you should reconsider everything. is it going mean unhappiness for you if you can't get some 7 times a week?
but without the therapist hat on, once a week is not ok and three is pushing it. personally, i'd invest in a vibrator but honestly i'd also try and figure out why i'm so pressed to fuck so often. is it just biological or do i need it to feel connected... ya know
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