Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sad Face

I'm not happy. I haven't been for a while now. Realistically, I don't know what will make me happy. Unrealistically, I do - but I can't control the world or other people so there's no sense in even exploring those options. I see how people go crazy, staying in a situation that isn't fulfilling their needs, but not leaving for the sake of being secure - be it a house, job, relationship, or whatever. But how do you find the courage to risk it all and leave it behind for something new? Since the future is a myth, it's such a gamble that you may even GET something new - or should I say, new and improved. I'm so scared to take a leap of faith for fear that it might take me in the wrong direction. I feel like I'm on a nice solid path right now, so if I veer to the left - will I hit a dead end? It's not knowing that drives me crazy. I don't want to go crazy - but I don't want to wonder "what-if" either. I really just don't know what to do. Even if someone gave me all the money in the world, it still wouldn't fix the way I feel - that's how I know it's serious. Happiness can't be bought - neither can sanity. Although they prescribe some pretty good substitutes I hear....