Choices

We all have so many choices to make everyday - no wonder we're always stressed. I've tried to live by the mantra "It's not that serious", but it can't be like that ALL the time, right? I mean, I have a holistic point of view when it comes to most things - and in the big picture we live, we die and whatever is in between is up to us. Unfortunately my laid back attitude sometimes takes a break and I end up freaking out about something small, when really "it's not that serious".

My job: Yesterday for example, I made a mistake at work - wasn't that big of a deal, but I just hate doing something wrong. Why did I want to cry? I mean, I wasn't getting fired - nobody was complaining to my boss, so why did I feel like my world was about to crumble? I think I lack an emotional balance that is needed sometimes, and when I'm off balance, it's not a pretty sight. I really have to get it under control and choose when it's ok to be upset and when it's not.

My relationship: I'm newly engaged - and of course everybody knows. People at work know, and I have only been working at this particular site for 2.5 months now, so they only know what's on the surface when it comes to me. So this one lady I worked with called herself being helpful and gave me a wedding checklist and a wedding planning book. I thought that was really sweet. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I probably wouldn't need all that, so I just thanked her graciously. Then my manager, the lady, and I start talking about babies (the lady is having a baby in January). She nearly gave my manager a heart attack when she almost insinuated that I was with child (I just took over for a woman going on maternity leave, so she's hoping I'll be here for a hot minute at least). I told her to relax, I'm not having a baby yet. So the lady says "Yeah, we gotta get her another ring first! Not until AFTER the wedding." And my manager says "Well...not necessarily. Sometimes these things happen before!" And the lady says "No, I don't think she's like that - she seems like the planning type and won't let that happen." Ummm - wow. On the one hand, I was glad my manager had a realistic and modern view about the situation, and on the other hand I'm like ok...so now if I have a baby before I have a wedding, I already know how this other lady is going to look at me - thanks. When did it become ok to talk about my personal choices for my life and relationship at work? This is why I stay to myself.

My time: I have always had a selfish streak in me. I also have a very generous part of me too. Sometimes I give too much and want to do too much and who ends up suffering in the end...me. I have a full time job, I'm in school, I have family, friends and a fiance. Splitting my time between all of those areas as well as finding time to myself has been hard. I think back to when I lived alone in FL and only had a few things on my plate - those were good times. Sometimes I may have had TOO much time on my hands, but I don't know what's better - too much time to yourself, or not enough? I am looking forward to taking a vacation and relaxing. Everyday I have something to do - there's never a moment when I can say "I have nothing else I could be doing right now". Unfortunately, I don't think this will be changing any time soon. The only thing that is going away is school and that won't happen for a few more years. School will most likely be replaced by a baby - so my personal "me" time is pretty much on hold until retirement.


You know what I realized about choices though - nobody had all the answers and everybody needs to do what's best for them. For the most part, we're all good, smart people. You shouldn't beat yourself up for making a bad choice. I think that smart people do stupid things, stupid people do stupid things over and over again.