Fear Factor

No, not the show. But what's your biggest fear? I'll tell you mine. Not sky diving (I plan on doing that for one of my birthday's Lord willing), or bugs (although I HATE them, yuck) - it's being unhappy. That is my biggest fear. I think that explains so much about my personality.

I am indecisive, non-confrontational and slightly self-absorbed - but all of these are basically because I just want to be happy.

I have trouble making decisions because I am afraid of making the wrong one and not being happy.

I hate conflict because it makes people angry and I just want everyone to get along and be happy.

I am slightly self-absorbed because I hate relying on anybody else to do anything for me thereby giving them the opportunity to disappoint me and do what....that's right, make me unhappy.

See the pattern? I am kinda pessimistic because I feel like if I keep my expectations low, there is less room for me to be let down. With everything I do, that fear is always in the back of my mind. With friends, family, men, food, shopping - EVERYTHING. I HATE being unhappy. Well, then again who likes to be miserable? It's just that I am a very emotional and sensitive person, so when I feel something, most of the time I feel it very deeply. I often distance myself in order to not feel things so strongly, or else it will take over my whole being! Ok, that's kinda extreme - but I do feel deep. That's why unhappiness doesn't just come and go. It lingers and manifests itself into my daily activites, no matter what the source. So, please bear with me when I can't make up my mind, or try to be the peace keeper, or even when I'm acting like a spoiled little bitch. I just want to be happy!