Is being selfish a sin? Like, is it in the 10 commandments, or is it just frowned upon by society - and God? I know it's not always a good thing to be selfish, but I think I've used it more as a survival tactic as opposed to just having it as an unappealing characteristic. The way I see it, in the end, all you have is you really. I have people in my life that I'd like to think I can call on for anything if I ever need it; but the reality is, these people may not always be around or may not be in a position to help me. So how would I get along without their help? By relying on myself. And if I can find a way to do it on my own, why waste their time and have them help me?
Now that's one aspect of the selfishness - the other, not so pretty aspect is the emotional and mental side. When I make a decision, I am the person who has to live every day in and out with that decision. Since I know my emotions run high, I need to make the best decisions for my life so that I can live peacefully. This sometimes means putting myself, my needs, my wants, my feelings before others. Sometimes it works out well for all involved - and sometimes things get messy. This is a chance that I have to be willing to take in order to keep it together on the inside. Recently, I made a mess. It wasn't intentional, but now I see it was selfish. I gambled - and lost. I didn't lose it all, but I lost something I can't get back right away. I will have to work hard to gain it back and part of me (guess which part....the selfish part silly!) doesn't care. the other part of me (the loving caring part) cares deeply and wants to do whatever it takes to get it back.
Now the battle begins. If I let the selfish part of me win, I will eventually lose it all. In the big scheme of things, it's not worth losing everything over this one thing - I am well aware of this. The problem is letting my guard down and becoming vulnerable is not my strongest quality. I can do it, because I can do just about anything I put my mind to - but I just have to build up my emotional and mental reserves in order to get through this. Keep thinking long-term. I might lose the battle, but I'll win the war. I hate trying to be a good person. Ugh.
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Just my thoughts
2 comments:
sometimes i don't think it has to be either or. it can be a healthy balance of both if you are coming from the best most mature place within yourself. growing up is uncomfortable because as a child we're used to childish things. you can only do your very best and even when you don't you can always do better.
You werent selfish, you were you. You cant prevent everything or save the world. You do what you do best and thats be you.
If you had a book of what to do, youwould still get stuff wrong.
Pray about everything.
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