I have a problem. Apparently I'm never satisfied. Well, that's not it exactly - the problem is my satisfaction depends strictly on my specified requests, and if my requests are met but exceed or fall short of my expectations - THEN I'm not satisfied. The problem is, how many times can something meet my exact desires? Not very often.
I said I wanted a female friend - I got one. Careful what you ask for. And see, I KNEW this about myself, but there's no way to explain this certain conundrum about my personality without coming off like some sort of weirdo (and who wants to make friends with a weirdo?) The problem is, I want to be friends when I feel like it; meaning call when I want to, see you when I want to, go out when I want to, talk when I want to. And when I don't want to....you're dismissed- for the time being - until I want to again.
I think I enjoy being by myself a little too much. When I lived alone in Florida, even though I got bored sometimes, for the most part I enjoyed the time to myself. And I used to think that I liked being alone because I grew up in a house full of people and having alone time was something to be treasured, but now I'm realizing that I've always been that way - just a loner.
I feel bad sometimes when my boyfriend asks if I missed him while we were apart and my honest answer is no. It's not that I don't miss him, but I just really enjoy being alone... a lot. Is that bad?? I mean, I like hanging out with people too, but I'm so temperamental that it's probably better for everyone's well being to just keep it at a minimum. If I don't see you for awhile, it makes it all the more enjoyable when we finally DO get to spend time together. Make sense?
So anyway - back to this new friend thing. She sits two doors down from me and we work in the same department. She's almost everything I wanted in a new friend - smart, cute, down-to-earth, likes to laugh - almost perfect! Apparently I'm probably what she was looking for also and now we talk - a lot. More than I'd prefer. On the one hand its good that she's the aggressor in the communication department of our friendship, cuz if you left it up to me, we'd probably speak once a week or something. But at the same time, I need a break sometimes. Since its early on our friendship, I'm trying to deal with it, but honestly its hard. I don't want to have to start dodging her phone calls or anything like that, but we're going to have to find a nice balance that we both can live with. I don't mean to be difficult, but this is why I only have a small amount of friends as it is - I just can't handle it.
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Just my thoughts
4 comments:
i feel you on the loner business. i went shopping this weekend and had the best time... BY MYSELF! but my excuse is better- i'm an only child.
i hope you find the balance you are looking for, my dear. see ya soon!!
Lol. See, I'm a weirdo.
Looking forward to your visit friend!!
I totally understand what you mean.. we have a lot in common being the middle child and all and I too enjoy actually prefer being alone at times. I don't think you need to feel bad about it. It is what it is. You're not anti-social but that may be hard for others to understand. I think honesty is always best but to your point you don't want to come across as a weird lol. Maybe tell her something like "i'm not a phone person" or plan monthly outings where you only get together for dinner, movie, shopping ONLY ONCE in the month lol :). Good luck.
I'm so glad you understand! I feel like less of a weirdo now...even though she already thinks I'm weird for other reasons :/
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