Big Love

I love that show. I could never be one of three wives, or any number other than 1 for that matter. I do, however, understand how you can love more than one person at the same time.

I find myself thinking about it from time to time, you know, being with more than 1 person. I mean - I love who I am with and wouldn't want to be with anyone else......but......well, I can't explain it. Ok, let me put it like this - and maybe I am immoral, unethical and uncouth for saying this, but I know a lot of people think this way and just don't say it outloud! Anyway, I can love person A, hang out with person B, and my love doesn't change for my main squeeze. It's hard because the thought of someone cheating on me gives me knots in my stomach and I want to cry at the thought - but I can totally understand how you just do things to do them, not feel guilty about it, and not have any less love for the person you are with. Does that make it right - heck no! But I understand. I really don't want to do it, because I beleive in karma and if I don't want it done to me, well.....I better stay faithful.

But different people can give you different feelings, and you can love them in completly different ways, I think. I think it's our selfish nature to want people all to ourselves. I ain't mad at it, cuz I don't wanna share my man either! And as much as it might hurt when someone strays, it really doesn't mean they don't love you - even if that's how we feel. Or shoot, maybe it does and I just don't know it and am in denial. Who knows. I'll do my best to practice fidelity in the meantime.

I be strokin'!

OK, so I used to be kinda full of myself. Not in a horrible, outlandish way - but more so in the it's all about me, pay me some attention, don't worry about you or anybody else kind of way. You know? I mean, I basically didn't have any self-esteem issues (and still don't - *does the cute girl dance* heeey!) but I have grown and become more thoughtful and tranquil in my need for love and attention.

I do know how to stroke an ego though - since I used to love having mine stroked. I don't enjoy it as much now - although a little stroke from time to time is still cool. I, however, can stroke with the best of them. Call it what you want: ego stroking, gassing up, blowing your head up, or even complimenting - it's all the same. Saying something positive to make someone feel good about themselves. I can only do this about 40% of the time though. Most of the time I just don't feel like it. That's probably that selfish part of me that just won't go away. The other 60% of the time though - I would say only about half of that is sincere.

Because I am a former attention addict, I can tell when somebody else is looking for that rush. As a reformed addict, I don't like to condone that behavior, but I know that everybody is not as advanced as me in that field, so I do have to give in at times just so they get their fix. Those other times though....you ain't getting anything but tough love from me. I won't soothe and appease you just so you feel better. get it somewhere else - sorry.

There was really no point of this post. I just wanted some attention - hahaha!!!

CAFFEINE!!!!!!!!!!

I DON'T KNOW IF CAFFEINE REALLY HAS THE EFFECT THAT PEOPLE THINK, BUT I KNOW I AM TYPING REALLY REALLY FAST RIGHT NOW!!!

Ok, so I was almost dead to the world this morning. I was SOOO tired! I don't normally drink coffee, but it does tend to wake me up. I don't know if it's a psychological thing or if the caffeine rush just gives me that wide eyed look, but whatever it is - it works. Every time.

I started with Frappucino's from Starbucks, and over time moved on to actual coffee (with lots of cream a sugar though). But you know what, ever since I decided to stop using artificial sweeteners, I realize how much sweeter they are compared to real sugar, well white sugar. I have to use a whole lot more just to get the coffee to a sweet enough state for me to slurp it down.

What was my point though??? Ummm....can't remember. So anyways, I'm awake now and ready to start my day. I don't want to have to rely on coffee every day though - I have an addictive personality a little bit, so I have to watch that.