What do you do??

What do you do when you have a very strong opinion about something, but other people try to make you think that it's wrong? How do you cope? And not just any person, people who matter to you - who you care about and vice versa. I'm all for hearing people out and trying to see things from a different point of view, but it bothers me to no end that MY opinion is seen as flat out wrong, and I am looking like a close minded individual. I think what bothers me the most about this issue is the fact that in my heart of hearts, I know I am wrong; but in my mind, I am completly justified and right! It's a constant battle that I have to deal with internally which is probably why I project my feelings onto those people who try to make me see it their way (the way my heart sees it) but I want to go MY way (the way my mind sees it). I don't want to give in and it's frustrating.


This wouldn't be such an issue if this topic didn't come up as often as it did, but it does so I am forced to either keep my mouth shut and stew in my own fury, or speak on it and get chastized. I feel like changing my opinion is merely giving in - just rolling over and saying "you win" and I can't give up that easliy! What I feel is strong, and it just won't go away because people think I am wrong. I really don't know what to do.

Big Love

I love that show. I could never be one of three wives, or any number other than 1 for that matter. I do, however, understand how you can love more than one person at the same time.

I find myself thinking about it from time to time, you know, being with more than 1 person. I mean - I love who I am with and wouldn't want to be with anyone else......but......well, I can't explain it. Ok, let me put it like this - and maybe I am immoral, unethical and uncouth for saying this, but I know a lot of people think this way and just don't say it outloud! Anyway, I can love person A, hang out with person B, and my love doesn't change for my main squeeze. It's hard because the thought of someone cheating on me gives me knots in my stomach and I want to cry at the thought - but I can totally understand how you just do things to do them, not feel guilty about it, and not have any less love for the person you are with. Does that make it right - heck no! But I understand. I really don't want to do it, because I beleive in karma and if I don't want it done to me, well.....I better stay faithful.

But different people can give you different feelings, and you can love them in completly different ways, I think. I think it's our selfish nature to want people all to ourselves. I ain't mad at it, cuz I don't wanna share my man either! And as much as it might hurt when someone strays, it really doesn't mean they don't love you - even if that's how we feel. Or shoot, maybe it does and I just don't know it and am in denial. Who knows. I'll do my best to practice fidelity in the meantime.

I be strokin'!

OK, so I used to be kinda full of myself. Not in a horrible, outlandish way - but more so in the it's all about me, pay me some attention, don't worry about you or anybody else kind of way. You know? I mean, I basically didn't have any self-esteem issues (and still don't - *does the cute girl dance* heeey!) but I have grown and become more thoughtful and tranquil in my need for love and attention.

I do know how to stroke an ego though - since I used to love having mine stroked. I don't enjoy it as much now - although a little stroke from time to time is still cool. I, however, can stroke with the best of them. Call it what you want: ego stroking, gassing up, blowing your head up, or even complimenting - it's all the same. Saying something positive to make someone feel good about themselves. I can only do this about 40% of the time though. Most of the time I just don't feel like it. That's probably that selfish part of me that just won't go away. The other 60% of the time though - I would say only about half of that is sincere.

Because I am a former attention addict, I can tell when somebody else is looking for that rush. As a reformed addict, I don't like to condone that behavior, but I know that everybody is not as advanced as me in that field, so I do have to give in at times just so they get their fix. Those other times though....you ain't getting anything but tough love from me. I won't soothe and appease you just so you feel better. get it somewhere else - sorry.

There was really no point of this post. I just wanted some attention - hahaha!!!

CAFFEINE!!!!!!!!!!

I DON'T KNOW IF CAFFEINE REALLY HAS THE EFFECT THAT PEOPLE THINK, BUT I KNOW I AM TYPING REALLY REALLY FAST RIGHT NOW!!!

Ok, so I was almost dead to the world this morning. I was SOOO tired! I don't normally drink coffee, but it does tend to wake me up. I don't know if it's a psychological thing or if the caffeine rush just gives me that wide eyed look, but whatever it is - it works. Every time.

I started with Frappucino's from Starbucks, and over time moved on to actual coffee (with lots of cream a sugar though). But you know what, ever since I decided to stop using artificial sweeteners, I realize how much sweeter they are compared to real sugar, well white sugar. I have to use a whole lot more just to get the coffee to a sweet enough state for me to slurp it down.

What was my point though??? Ummm....can't remember. So anyways, I'm awake now and ready to start my day. I don't want to have to rely on coffee every day though - I have an addictive personality a little bit, so I have to watch that.

F U!!

They say you can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar - but guess what.....I'm all out of honey.

I swear I would be a bitch 85% more of the time if
1.) I didn't believe in Karma and
2.) I wasn't a little bit compassionate and care about other people's feelings.

It's SO easy to be mean and it's actually harder to be nice - in my opinion. That doesn't make me a bad person - no, no, no, not at all. I just think that selfishness and asshole-ish-ness (yes I just made that word up) are natural human traits that everyone has and some people suppress it (DAMMIT! I just spilled coffee on my keyboard!!) better than others. I think I do a pretty good job of suppressing it most times; but lately I am having a bit of an issue. The evil thoughts and smart comments are coming more frequently in my head and it's getting more and more challenging to think before I let something slip out my mouth, or let a certain look come across my face. I don't want to be perceived as being a bitch - especially to certain people - because that just feeds into one of the many negative stereotypes about my people. But being sweet as pie all the time is not good either - it makes me sick actually. I guess you just have to find a balance between the two, but then people will call me bi-polar or say I have borderline personality disorder, so now what? I guess I don't have to go to extremes, and maybe it won't be as noticeable.

Ugh - I think I'm just in a bad mood for some reason. I hate when I get like this. I know I'll snap out of it - let's just hope I don't actually snap first.

How do I know?? This is how.

This is how I know I'm not racist -

I get uncomfortable and offended when people use racial slurs that are directed towards other races.

This is how I know I have a positive self image -

Even when I weighed 20 pounds more, I still thought I was cute and nobody could tell me otherwise.

This is how I know I'm not a lesbo -

Even though women are beautiful and all, the thought of one touching me in a sexual way makes my stomach hurt and turns me off completely.

This is how I know I love my friends -

Even when they make me so anrgy I see red, I want to hurry up and get over it so we can talk about something else.

This is how I know I'm not lazy -

Even when I'm on vacation, I can't sit around and do nothing ALL day, I have to get up and move around - I'm too restless.

This is how I know I'm in love -

I let him eat off my plate.