*sigh*

Well I guess I can't fight it anymore.

I was trying and trying to keep it from happening, but it's too strong.

I'm still holding on tight, but I'm slowly losing my grip.

Part of me wants to just let go and just BE - but another part of me is saying "Nuh uh girl, keep it together! We all we got!"

What will happen if I do, huh?

I remember a fortune cookie saying "You'll never know what you can do unless you try." It's so true.

I mean, if things don't work out as planned, I'll survive - I guess.

I just didn't want to put myself through the fire again.

You can't really live life if you're guarded all the time though.

Maybe it's time to put down my shield, just a little.

A friend told me recently that I'm basically living a lie. She didn't say it quite like that though.

I guess she was right. I don't wanna be a liar anymore.

Ok.

Here we go - I'm letting go.......

How's that song go....Cuidado Con mi corazon - yeah negro, take heed or feel the wrath.

Another Friday

What is it about Friday's that just make you not want to do any work? Is it the anticipation of knowing you don't have to do any work for the next two days once this day is over? Whatever the case may be, I am SO unproductive on Friday's most of the time. I used to be able to start off good, then after about 3:00 I might as well not be here - but now, I can't even get on the good foot at 7:30am! I mean, that's kinda early to be tryna work anyway, but especially on a Friday, a rainy Friday at that. I think we should get rain days just like sick days. If it's raining, stay home in bed. I would LOVE that. I can't wait to start my own company. Nobody else would get rain days, but I would (the perks of being a CEO).

So - here I sit, blogging and listening to Beyonce instead of doing whatever it is I am supposed to be doing right now. Does anybody notice? Proboably not since they're doing the same thing. Oh well. here's to Friday's! oh great - the nosy man I work with just walked by and commented on the cartoon pic - sheesh, don't you have something to do!?

Here we go again

I remember when I was around 19, there was a period in my life where it seemed like everything I could possibly want was coming to me without hesitation. I remember a day when things just seemed TOO perfect and it scared me. I guess I'm always bracing myself for when something goes wrong and drama happens or there's turmoil. Now don't get me wrong, out of 25 years I haven't had many drama filled moments, but I always expect it. When I was in 11th grade I first started to notice that nothing bad has ever really happened in my life and it worried me. I felt like I lived in a protective bubble and nothing could touch me. It left me feeling paranoid because I wondered if something bad DID happen, how would I handle it since I've never had to go through too much in the past?

Now I'm at that point again. I feel like everything is going so great and I'm worried. At any moment everything I have and love can be taken away from me, and I don't want to take anything for granted. How can I show my appreciation for all of my blessings? What can I do to feel like I'm really aware and thankful for all the good things in my life? I don't know, but I'll continue to thank God every night and pray that the blessings continue. I will also try to share my belssings with those around me. That's all i can think of. And even if everything just disappeared one day - I know that I appreciated what I had.

My romantic pattern...

According to tickle.com, this is my romantic pattern:

your romantic pattern is Love Conquers All!

At its core, the romantic pattern called Love Conquers All, is romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A tug of war between the desire for the love of your life, and a fear of commitment.

You may also find that challenges come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about?


Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?

Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world — these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life — whether you are conscious of it or not.

Remember Nicolas Cage in the film "Family Man"? Through a strange twist of fate, he's given the opportunity to see life as it might have been had he gotten married instead of pursued successes at work. Though fantastical and magical, he experiences a jarring event, and through it, realizes he has different priorities. He would give up his important job and expensive belongings to be with the one woman he realizes he truly loves. And he realizes that his initial choice to pursue his career instead of pursue his relationship was driven not by his hopes for success, but his fear of taking on the seriousness of his relationship. Through this realization, he has the courage to face himself, not preexisting hopes and goals.

Even if fate doesn't throw obstacles in your way, it's possible that you do. Do you shy away from romantic commitments? Do you make excuses for not dating? Do you wish your relationships never progressed past the lovey-dovey stage? Are the people you date "all wrong" for you? There's a reason you're holding back from pursuing a good thing. You may put excuses between you and another person, or you may intentionally pick the wrong person to give you an alternative to getting serious. The real courage in your romantic pattern comes from taking a good look at yourself, and questioning your motivations.

Once you recognize this as your pattern, you will indeed have the courage and the insight to question yourself, and make a commitment, or a break with someone, before external events force you to. In this manner, Courage is one of the most noble and truthful romantic patterns out there.

In "Notting Hill," Julia Roberts plays a movie star whose career (not to mention awful boyfriend) get in the way of a fledgling romance with a London bookseller (Hugh Grant). In "Autumn in New York," a cheating playboy played by Richard Gere finds himself in love with a dying 22-year-old. Will he mend his ways before it's too late? The romantic pattern that drives these plots is the same that drives your fantasies and relationships, which is why these stories can be so powerful. Of course, in the movies it's always clear just whom the lead person should hook up with. In real life, it's quite a bit harder. Love Conquers All, and now you're equipped to find it.


I think this is on point. Guess I have some changes to make.

That Feminine Touch

You know, there is nothing that can compare to the love from a woman. Whether it be your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin, or friend - women are the most loving people on this earth. Without even having to say anything, a woman who knows you well enough will know what to say to you to make you happy, make you cry, make you laugh or whatever the situation may call for.

I really try to cherish the women in my life and appreiciate them as much as I can. I know who to call when I have problems with work, food, men or other friends - and I know who to call when I need to cry, vent or laugh. I am so lucky to have supportive women in my life who are in tune with my feelings and emotions so that we can communicate without having to use many words. It feels good to know what to expect and to be able to relate to another person in such a way that you both know what needs to be said (or not said) in order to get the point across.

Thanks ladies. Luv u!!

"When I say I HATE you say MEN!"

I hate

*MEN*

I hate

*MEN*


Yeah, yall know what I'm talkin bout - with their sexy asses.

I hate the sweet text messages that make you smile, I hate the deep voice that soothes you at night and says just the right things. I even hate the hugs they give you that make you feel all warm and soft. GOD I hate them so much. Why can't they just go away and stop causing me grief!

What I hate most about men, is that I love them so much. Why? Why do I love them and I hate them? F*ck. I'm screwed for life....hopefully, lol.