Nothing personal....it's just business

I swear - the corporate world gets ahold of you and it's like a death trap! It's all a money game and you gotta know how to play or else you will lose. Not just money though, politics too. I've never liked politics, but I do like to have money - which is where the conflict of interest comes into play; do I go for the promotion and act like I care to get more money - or do I stay where I am and continue to walk the original path I laid out for myself when I started here?

When I worked out the calcuations I think I started drooling at the thought of getting a raise - but when I thought about what baggage comes along with it, I have to step back and try to see the whole picture. What is the best move for my "career"? And I say "carrer" because it's really a job to me - not a career, only because I can't see myself doing this long term. It's all for the love of the dough right? Ugh. And once you get further up the corporate ladder, it's a long hard fall back down to what I like to call the "real" world. It gets so much harder to make a career change once you set up a particular lifestyle for yourself which is based on that good ole' corpoate salary. Unless you manage to save up enough cushion funds to support if you take a pay cut from a career change, you are stuck!

What's a girl to do?

Oh happy day....

I love that song.


I had a whole other post written and ready to go - but I'm tired of sounding depressed or troubled all the time when I'm actually neither. So let's be happy today, shall we?

Ok, this is what I'm happy about:

Grad school is not as bad as I was making it out to be. I just was caught off guard and it upset me for a second, but I'm ok now. Last night's class was actually pretty good and I'm understanding this stuff better than I thought I would. It doesn't hurt that this is the second time around for this class (even though my first one was like 8 years ago - but I didn't even care back then). Hopefully I can get through this other seminar class without kirking out on anyone. I won't even dwell on the 10 books and articles I have to read in the next month - I'll just do it.

My love. Oh love. I try not to be all mushy and gushy about this, but every once in awhile I feel the need to put it out there - only because every day it gets better and it's unbelievable to me. There are so many small things that just add up so great. I try not to think about it too much just in case things ever change - wait, let me stay positive - let me just enjoy this while I have it. I thought love like this was fiction.

The weekend is almost here!!! I am SO happy. I have to go shopping for a few things, nothing major - but shopping always excites me. I just have to control myself and not spend more than I budgeted. That is always a challenge, but I'm up for it!

I can't wait until next weekend. Hanging with friends is always fun and this will be no exception. Not to mention taking a couple days off from work - who doesn't love that!?

Well, that's all the positive energy I can put forth this fine morning - enjoy your day people!

Spoiled Brat

I never thought I was a spoiled brat until 2006 around my birthday. I was turning 25 and I wanted to go celebrate at a particular place. When the place told me I couldn't celebrate there and there was nothing I could do about it - I darn near had a conniption! And I felt bad about it because I felt like I was pouting for something minor, and I felt like a baby.

The fact is - I don't like to be disappointed, I don't like my plans to be changed and I don't like for someone to tell me no. I mean, who does? But for some odd reason I have been taking those challenges really hard in recent times. When I was younger, either I didn't care as much, didn't get disappointed as much, or rarely got told no. Whatever the case may be, I never felt like a spoiled brat until NOW. Out of all of my flaws, this one bothers me most because it affects my mood and behavior extremely. I want to stop.

This week has been rough on me for numerous reasons. And the overall picture is that I am truly, truly blessed - so I have no real reason to complain. But when issue after issue was arising everyday, I felt like my world was crumbling and it took real effort to say "This is not THAT bad - it will pass, you are blessed, so cut it out." And I almost feel like I'm in some sort of movie or book and now this chapter is over. The storm has seemed to pass and I feel all better now. my problem now is that I need to figure out how to cope better with my emotions when I'm in the midst of the storm. I am so lucky to have a partner who knows this about me and accepts it, because when I say pouty, spoiled and bratty.....man, he gets the brunt of it and he doesn't even care.

I remember a friend once telling me how she was saying to someone how it seems like it's always something happening to her - and he told her "Yeah, it's called LIFE." I think that sums it up right there.

Every day can't be sunny. We need rain to make the flowers grow.

Just my thoughts....

- Complete and utter disbelief. How could this happen? WHY did this happen? How could someone be so STUPID! Sometimes I just don't understand why people do the things they do. I hope he knows what he lost. He will NEVER have something like that again. Ever. In life or death. The nerve of some people. She will be OK though. Better to have this happen now then later - right? I think.....I mean, I guess. This sucks.

- I have the heart of an artist and the head of a business woman. You can imagine how I cope in my corporate job. I yearn for freedom and personal expression without the fear of repercussions from "upper management" and the like. Just going outside for a short walk around the parking lot is so freeing to me. I hate being couped up in this box of an office - I think the cube was better; at least it wasn't enclosed.

- Is it fair for me to want to know everything? I mean, I guess people deserve their privacy and right to keep certain things to themselves - but I can't help the fact that I'm inquisitive (a nice way of saying nosy). I think because I've been lied to, deceived, and betrayed in the past, I feel like full disclosure is a prerequisite. Well, maybe not FULL disclosure - but definitely when requested by me. Because if I ask and you don't tell, it looks suspicious. You may just be holding back to keep me at bay - keep me "in check" or what have you. Little does he know - that only makes things worse. Telling me no or not telling me at all - you're probably better off giving me a fully loaded weapon. It probably would have been less painful for you that way.

P. O. P.

The power of prayer.

I watched this episode of the King of Queens and they went to church for the first time in awhile. Carrie ( the wife) prayed for a Church member to get better - and she also prayed to get these Gucci shoes she wanted. Her husband thought that was an abuse of prayer and she shouldn't do that....but she ended up getting a great deal on those shoes!

I recently hoped (not really prayed) for toaster at work. Lo and behold, a new toaster was put into the break room today!! I was ecstatic! Toasted bagels are SO much better! But anyway, I know that prayer works - well it has for me many many times. Some examples I can remember:

When I was like 6 or 7 - I wanted a My Little Pony for my birthday. I thought I was psychic when my Uncle actually gave it to me. I think I must have prayed first though.

When I was 14 I lost my sister's gold earring when she specifically told me NOT to wear them. I know I prayed hard that day, and sure enough I looked down and it was right at my feet.

When I was 18 the summer before my sophomore year of college, we were short on funds for my tuition. I got laid off from my summer job and I prayed that we would figure out a way to pay for school. That same day, I came home and my mom told me she was able to come up with the money.

When I was going through my first major break up, I prayed to God to not let me act a fool and kill that man - he's still alive (as far as I know). Thanks God.

With the arrival of this toaster at work, it reminds me to never give up hope. Even for the little things - God is always lookin out. Make sure to keep that in mind. I know I will.

Solar Energy

I miss Florida. Sometimes I do. Like, I'm glad to be where I am now, don't get me wrong - but there's something about that sunshine and warmth that touches a special side of me.

I remember my first week down there when I moved around this time 2 years ago. Everyday I woke up smiling and happy. Partly because it was a new adventure and I was excited, but the other part was the warmth and sunshine that made every day feel like a vacation. You just don't get that feeling everywhere. I think that's why I love vacations so much (warm ones). That feeling just makes me feel like I don't have a care in the world.

Summer has always been my favorite season. Spring and fall are ok - but those are the worst for my allergies. Winter - fuhgedaboutit. I love sitting on the porch or deck all day and into the night, enjoying the breeze and warmth while sipping on a cool drink and chit chatting with friends. I even love summer rain and the smell it leaves behind. For me, it's the best season there is.

That's why I miss Florida. I got to experience that feeling for a whole year and a half with no interruptions. I mean, some days did get chilly, but never to the point where I felt like the hawk was out! It even stayed lighter longer down there. And even though I was alone (and often bored) I was at peace and in my comfort zone. I want to visit, but I have no real reason. I guess that's what memories are for.

Maybe someday when I'm old and tired of aching bones and cold weather - me and my old man will go and retire down there with the rest of the blue haired ladies. The grandkids can come visit while we sit outside and drink lemonade. They can soak up the sun and take that energy back up north to store some for the winter months. Until then, I guess I'll bundle up, shovel snow, and sip hot cocoa in front of the fireplace. It's not like summer - but I guess it's not so bad after all.